HOW TO MAKE LOVE TO A GRIFFIN
The dudes who found him wandering naked across the Kalahari desert still fondly recall his fixation on his lost pecker.
‘ I lost Pete, man. I fucking lost Pete’. lost mylast best friend old Pete out there! How can I go home to my wife and explain myself without Pete to back me up and her too. “‘
According to the three wise guys who found Hogarth with a cross staked to his back in the Kalahari desert this was all he kept saying before he passed out.
He was clearly tripping since no one had actually cut his dick off.
Not yet anyway.
It wouldn’t be until a year later that Hogarth recalled why he’d felt that way at the time and made to recognize that sometimes hallucinations do come true.
In the desert the three wise guys had told him they were be his oldest and dearest friends–mainly just to help orient him. In the desert they’d introduced themselves as Stuart, Mathhew and Allen.
You were you and they were they but even in his enhanced state he knew he didn’t know any of them from the proverbial Adam.
Some things just don’t ring true even when youre all the way out your gotdam mind.
All the same these three good-natured wise guys had brought him home from the desert.
They also related to his wife that while in the most extreme stages of delirium he’d kept insisting that it was his intention to ‘’ change the nature of the beast.’’
Unfortunaltey as time went on he realized the beast had beaten Hogarth to the punch and changed the nature of Hogarth first.
Chopped him down, poked him full of holes and left him hanging out there in the land of the bushman, Earth’ first people.
He’d gone to the Kalahari a man, and in his estimation one macho stud of a man at that.
One morning three weeks after his return to wife and hearth and home he began morphing into what would become the sleek form of an aristocratic Filipino woman.
He didn’t lose Pete so much as watch Pete shrivel and shrink into a lump of clay.
One day he looked down there and realized old one eyed Pete had lost sight of him forever.
Samuel Hogarth became Samantha H.
That was only the beginning though.
Turned out The Beast had even more jokes in store for Hogarth.
The coup grace, the piece de resistance, the absolute muthafukka arrived via the discovery that not only had he been forced to undergo a sex change but that he was also suddenly six months pregnant. Burdended to birth an inhuman lovechild deposited in his new womb by The Beast.
His first thought was naturally abortion.
But turned out that the mutation he was carrying was not only not-human but indestructible. Its amniotic fluid sac was some kind of liquid metal pod. The thing that could be seen inside had a human face, the body of a lion, and the tiny wings of a hummingbird.
The thing growing inside Samuel Hogarth nee Samantha H was a creature the world had heretofore only known through Greek mythology as some thing called a Griffin.
The Griffin growing inside wouldn’t let Samantha H commit infanticide or suicide.
It wouldn’t even allow him to maintain those thoughts for too long
By the time Hogarth was restored to civilization thing Griffins growing in the bodies of men was on the verge of becoming a commonplace event.
The Beast had ben busy and would soon see the world populated by swarms of pod grown Griffin babies.
Not long after Hogarth was returned to Brooklyn his wife was visited by an advisor from the Organization of Griffin Rights.
Wifey was informed about adoption options for single parents and co-parenting possibilities with other mothers who were helping for rear their husbands Griffin children.
The Wifey was told some families had opted to return to the Kalihari desert and start an asylum community there.
The catch was going there required you give up your US citizenship.
The Beast it seems had only impregnated Americans, even in Africa.
Thus did our nation became within a quarter century of Hogarth’s return the world had become a place full of misbegotten griffin infants and only a few other species besides your typical post-apocalyptic bestiary of roaches cats horses cows pigs and dogs.